I watched a YouTube video recently uploaded by Rosianna Halse Rojas, featuring Lucy Moon. These are two of the most incredible women, I love them & they both continue to inspire me. They spoke & discussed about being single, singledom as an identity, shame, insecurity, relations after abuse & lots me. Rosianna video was a video response to a couple of other YouTubers, Hannah & Lenna's video's, in which they discussed & talked about essentially the same things, the truth about being single. Hannah & Lenna also happen to be incredible women, so I highly encourage you to check out their content. I'll link all three video's along with there channels, at the very bottom of this post so you can have a look & join in on the discussion!
I throughly enjoyed Rosianna's video & as a single 18 year old myself, I find I could connect & understand what Rosianna & Lucy were discussing. More specifically I could really relate to when Rosianna mentioned & spoke about her experience this NYE as a single woman. Rosianna said she felt she had a great outfit, she had a friend do her hair & she was genuinely excited to see her friends. However, there was one point in the night where she looked around the room & thought to herself, “Omg, I look massive, I hate myself, this is terrible”. She said all these awful things to herself & had that weird feeling that because she wasn’t in a relationship she was inadequate. I know I have felt this way before & it's not a great feeling at all.
I experienced a very similar situation myself this NYE. I went to a party, a gathering with friends, whatever you wish to call it. I, just like Rosianna, felt that what I was wearing was really lovely, my makeup & hair was done beautifully, all that kind of stuff. I was one out of two of us girls who attended, who were single & generally that doesn’t bother me at all. I was sat outside, with a group of people, some of which I knew & others I had just met. All of a sudden, there was this voice in my head that was tearing me down. I was thinking all these horrible things about myself, about how terrible I looked, how massive I was. Regardless of the size of the other girls, what they wore, how they wore their hair & makeup, I thought they were all bloody goddesses & looked absolutely stunning. And then of course that only leads to me thinking, “Well of course those people have partners because they’re bloody amazing & I’m not”. It’s like we go through these stages of feeling inadequate because we’re not in a relationship. I was now sat there crushing myself on the inside. And I know how bad that is for you, how it’s not productive & that you’d probably find that’s not how everybody else see’ you but I feel like it kind of just happens. In reality, you've really just got to be kind to yourself.
In the same sense where people go from relationship to relationship. That doesn’t make them any less of a person nor does it make you any less of a person if you’re not in a relationship. I feel that those who do from relationship to relationship are lucky in the sense that they’re able to find someone to connect with on a level where they can romantically involved. I use to see this a lot when I was in high school & I always use to think to myself, “Well what is it that they have that I don’t?”. The reality was, nothing. I had to be kind to myself & just remind myself that I’m a unique individual & that one day someone will appreciate me for who I am.
The aim of this discussion was to really to get the point across that, whether you are in a relationship or not, you are uniquely special. If you are single, you are no less adequate to those in relationships & visa versa. Being in a relationship & having a romantic partner has it’s highs & lows, just like being single, in fact, just like a lot of things in life. Don’t beat yourself if you’re single at the moment, don’t hate yourself & put yourself down because of it, instead take the opportunity to spend the time working on yourself & making yourself a even better person than you already are.
From one single lady to another, I love you for you.