We all have our weakness. I for one, can be a complete control freak. Even I find myself annoying at times & although I've come along way, I'm still learning how to let go of that need to have control of EVERYTHING & there are valuable lessons I've learnt along the way.
It's easy for me to criticise or blame myself; majority of the time I do it without even realising it. I'm sure it's something many of you can relate to. Being kind, loving & understanding with myself didn't come as easy. Why? Because for a lot of us it's a habit. We put ourselves down without even thinking about it most of the time.
Ditch Your Desire To Be Perfect
Perfectionism can feel like a trap. When you're a perfectionist, you feel that strong need to be in control of your emotions. At some point, you stop acknowledging your accomplishments because there is always that voice in your head telling you that you could've done a better job. It's just like having that all or nothing attitude, where unless you get 100%, you get nothing. It's you, spending more time about worrying about failing than you do focusing on what it is you're trying to accomplish.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
These are very important, in any kind of relationship whether it's personal or professional. A lot of us are taught from the young age to put others first. We then grow up & often get lost in putting everyone else first but ourselves. Setting up healthy boundaries has changed a lot for me.
I love helping other people, coming up with solutions, solving problems & I never saw anything wrong with the fact that I was a great listen but didn't do much of the talking myself. Over the years, people got use to me being there for them, ready to help where I could but I rarely heard a thankyou. Don't get me wrong, I don't help people to get anything in return but there was a point where I got lost & no longer knew where others' lives ended & mine began.
Saying no has always been so damn hard but when I hit a low point in my life, I simply had no more to give which it reality the only answer could be no.
Selfish definitely isn't the right word, but I guess it's what it felt like to begin with. I started setting boundaries & being careful about giving my energy away others - it was life changing. Think of it this way - when you give yourself the opportunity to be the best version of yourself, you can then take that love & wisdom & spread it around the people you love. If instead, you spend your life sacrificing yourself, ignoring your own needs, plans & dreams, you might never give yourself a chance to get to that point.
Be Good To Yourself
Be good to your body, mind & soul. These are some of the best ways to practice self-love. Watch the way you talk to yourself, be gentle. A lot of the feelings we have towards ourselves are reflections of past relationships. If someone close to you offends you enough or is too hard on you, eventually you start to believe what they say. I grew up with a father that was all about trying harder, not working hard enough & perfectionism. It was difficult & because of that, it took me forever to learn how to look after myself.
Self-care, self-love are things I stress a lot here on my website & I do it because I remember how I use to treat myself as a teenager. There is nothing wrong with a constant need to do better, to grow, to try new things, to learn & wanting to become a better person. But as you grow & learn, remember to stop along the way & tell yourself that you've done a good job so far. Look back at how far you've come & don't be too hard on yourself. Loving yourself isn't selfish. It's not about thinking that you're better than someone else. It is, however, a lot more than just accepting yourself too.
B x
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