I struggled at the beginning of this year. I felt lost. I didn't really have a plan for myself & when reflecting on 2018 I realised that a lot of what I did was because it had to be done & there was simply no other way around it.
Since then, I've set goals for myself, big & small. I've given myself something to aim for. I want 2019 to be the year where I do things because I simply just want to, not because it's my only option.
On the outside my life is a dream. It's a life that I'm incredibly grateful for, every single day. I have an amazing family & friends, an incredible support system, a cat that cuddles me & listens to all my problems, a beautiful place to live & I work with some of the most beautiful people. And yet, there is still this internal struggle that takes place in my head on most days. The thing is, sometimes out biggest struggles happen deep inside, in a place invisible to others. If this is something you're going through, don't give up. Be gentle with yourself. I know it's easier said than done but if I can do it, you can to. It's important to keep trying & remember some of these things.
You Are Not Behind In Life
There isn't some invisible or official timeline by which you life has to move at. You don't have to go to University straight after graduating High School. You don't have to get married at 25, own a house at 30 or have a family by 35. I'm 20 & I'm not at University, I'm not even 100% sure what it is that I want to study. Yet other people still feel obligated to point out that it's odd that I don't know what career path I want to go down. It's not odd, in fact it's perfectly normal. At High School you're constantly asked what it is that you want to do when you leave school. I never had an answer, or if I did have an answer, it's not necessarily something I want to do now. You can't beat yourself up over feeling 'behind' on anything in life because you're not behind. You're life is going to be different from mine & that's okay. It's okay for all of us to follow different paths. Doing things differently doesn't mean you're doing things 'backwards' or falling behind.
Give Yourself Time
I quite often have to remind myself to allow myself time. Sometime when life throws you a curve ball, you become desperate for things to go back to 'normal' & you want it to happen now. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen like that. Regardless of what personal challenges you might be experiencing, you have to allow yourself time. I know it can be difficult because we often feel like we have to follow 'the plan' & falling behind isn't apart of that plan. You don't have to force yourself to get better, to feel happy. Give yourself time to heal, time to adjust.
It's Okay To Not Be Okay
I cannot stress this enough. Feeling lost doesn't mean that you're weak. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions, allow yourself to ugly cry & allow yourself to fall apart. Don't look at it as a weakness. You can't shove those kinds of feelings somewhere deep inside you & hope for the best. It doesn't work like that & I promise you, it'll come back to bite you in the butt. Every now & then we should allow ourselves to fall apart so that we can find ourselves all over again.
It's Never Too Late To Start Over
It doesn't matter how old you are or how much 'baggage' you think you carry with you. It is never to late to start over. Throughout my life time, I've met people from all walks of life. I know people who have completely turned their lives around, reinvented themselves, found passion again & finally started living their lives on their own terms. It's never too late to start over - no matter who you are.
Don't Be Afraid Of Change
Change can be intimidating, confusing, frightening & a breeding ground of self-doubt. Sometimes there are set backs in life that you think you can't come back from. You go through situations that not only challenge you but can also change you. Somethings might never go back to 'normal' & that's okay. That's when we have to come up with a new plan & reinvent ourselves a little. We can't be afraid to press the reset button & see things from a different perspective. Being afraid of change can hold us back. We don't have a resist change. We just have to remember that we are in charge, even when it doesn't always seem that way.
There won't come an age or a time in our lives where we'll have it all figured out. You don't have to have an answer to everything. Does it mean you won't ever feel lost again? Does it mean you won't ever find yourself in a place where you'll have to pick yourself up again? No. Life isn't about having life all figured out. It's about growing & learning along the way. It's about enjoying every small beautiful moment & fighting through every 'bad' situation. You're not alone when it comes to feeling lost, we all experience it from time to time. Not know what to do next it okay. You are okay - but if you're not right now, you will be.