23 May 2019

What's Holding You Back In Life . . .

Every once in awhile I find myself falling into this same pattern of assigning myself blame & that’s when I usually have to remind myself that change doesn’t happen on its own. A goal without a plan to take action ends up just being a wish that never comes true. Again, I have to remind myself that no one is coming to save me. So what’s hold you back in life? How do you learn to let go? Well, sometimes you just have to take a nice, long look within & more often than not the thing that stands in your way, is you. I’m currently reading ‘You Are A Badass’ by Jen Sincero & to say the least, it’s sparked a few things inside of me. Full review coming soon. 

Resentment is one of those stubborn emotions that’s quite difficult to just ‘turn off’. It can also act as a major roadblock to your learning & allowing yourself to just let go. You use it as the perfect excuse to put yourself through those never ending negative loops. And so, it ends up holding you back, simply because you just refuse to let go. We resent other people for the things they do or don’t do. When we resent ourselves, most of the time it’s for the exact same reasons. We don’t always love others the way they are & we don’t always love ourselves the way we are. Say, your significant other commits a small act of injustice, forgets an anniversary, goes out for drinks without inviting you & you begin to resent them for days. But of course there’s more. Because your such a generous person, you are kind enough to throw some of that resentment your way. You need to work on an important project & keep putting it off until last minute & then you resent yourself for procrastinating. Maybe, at times, you fall into a pattern of beating yourself up over a mistake you made or a shitty situation you found yourself in. Shortly thereafter, blame & resentment start to find their way in. Strong resentment takes some time to move on from & usually there needs to be a lot of forgiveness & letting-go involved which let’s be honest, is never easy, simple or quick to do. You can easily overcome those small resentments though by working on being less harsh & critical. You could try practicing mindfulness & kindness, not only towards others but also yourself. What I’m really trying to say, is that you should try to give yourself more love & not waste too much time on re-living those moments & situations that bring out resentment. Those small ‘acts of injustice’ that others sometime commit are usually just a small part of the people we love. Those small ‘mistakes’ you sometimes resent yourself for are also just a small part of who you are. 

Fear & its constant presence in life is one of the biggest things holding you back. You fear failure, rejection, you fear that you might not be good enough or strong enough. This fear can stop you from trying new things. It can stop you from going after your dreams. Sometimes it can also stop you from opening up to new relationships because you’re afraid of abandonment or rejection. Occasionally. we equally fear things that at first seem good & positive, like success. Why? Because with success often comes responsibilities, have to take risks & let’s not forget that success takes lots of work. So how do we stop fear from holding us back? You feel it & you do those things that scare you anyway. Once you understand how fear works & why it can sometimes feel so paralysing, you will realise that a lot, if not most, of your fear are simply baseless. It also helps to remember that fear is just a standard part of life & it’s somethings all of us feel. Without exceptions. 

Other People & Your Relationships
We’re not talking about other people holding us back directly. Yes, there are toxic relationships & toxic environments that often hold us back. We also have very close relationships with people, like family & friends, who discourage us at times. Sometimes thought, it’s us putting too much value onto other peoples opinions that eventually end up holding us back. Some of us tend zoo immerse ourselves in other people’s lives so deeply, that we forget to live out our own. At times, we can also be guilty of being too concerned with what everyone else is doing, to work on our ourselves & own own goals. Another way I feel as if people can hold us back is when they’re not even part of our lives. Let me explain. Those who have yet to find love, for example, often believe that being in a relationship is something that will complete them. They might even think to themselves, “There is something missing in my life & only another person can make that feeling go away. That is my key to happiness.” If you’ve felt like this or feeling like this currently, you’re not alone, I’ve been there but that’s when you start attracting experiences into your life that will match exactly how you’re feeling inside. Instead of hyper-focusing on other people, their lives, opinions or finding love, devote more time to focusing on yourself. Ask yourself, what can I do for me? What do I want out of my life? How can I go? What are some things that I’ve always wanted to try? What’s stopping me from trying them now? How can I practice self-love & improve the relationship I have with myself? Don’t be afraid to explore your own feelings, emotions & fears. Find things that will bring you peace & joy, things that will help you grown, things that will challenge you & help you get to know yourself a little better. Having strong friendships & having a love in your life is important but ultimately, the relationship you have with yourself will always be one of the most important. There will be times were other people will try to discount your strengths, criticise your ideas or make you doubt yourself, Only you can stop them from holding you back. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re a confident person & it doesn’t matter how much you’ve already accomplished. You probably have doubts about yourself. Even if we don’t always think about them, even if they’re not always overwhelming, those doubts are there. Some of us don’t even realise that it’s doubt that’s holding us back. Some doubt sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Other times, it’s right in your face, trying to convince you that you’re not good enough, strong enough or ghat you don’t have what it takes to over come your struggles. Question is, are we going to allow it to stop us? One way to stop doubt from holding you back is to simply take action. To start now, to do, to learn, to try & get better at it. Doubt will always be there. You can believe the lies it tells you or you can work on building your confidence & stop these doubts from holding you back. 

There comes a time in life when you realise that the only person standing in your way is you. Most of the things that are holding us back in like are things we do, things we believe or like to believe are true. The experiences we go through in life build up some of those insecurities & limits, often make them all stronger. Fear, doubt, resentment - we give them too much power. We waste our time waiting for something to change, something to finally ‘click’, for someone to save us, we put too much faith into thinking that things will just ‘happen’ or ‘work out’ one day. Truth is, no one is coming to save you - you’ll have to do that on your own. 

B x 

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