13 February 2020

New Year, No Goals

I could've sat & watched everyone's recaps of their achievements for 2019 & that last decade, for days, there were so many. Each made me feel happy & warm on the inside & of course, I'm proud to know that so many amazing people are fulfilling their dreams whether thats over the past decade or just the year.

Although a big part of me couldn't help but think how I couldn't stand to think about my decade, how I spent my time & what I had achieved over the years, I did. The process was uncomfortable at times but I quickly came to realise how beneficial this whole reflection process was. There was a big part of the last decade, where I was just simply trying to survive. Mentally & physically. I think in reality, when you're simply trying to survive, everything else pales in comparison. No achievement, no matter how big or small, could trump survival. I remember being proud that I had just made it through another year. And if all you did this year was survive, know that's enough. You are enough.
Comparison is the mother of all arseholes & she's unavoidable. Of course, when you're going through something like this we're going to look at others, see what they're achieved & feel small, disposable. But it's so important to remember you aren't.

For the longest time I always feared the New Year. That if I hadn't set myself goals, I was setting myself up for immediate failure. For those years where surviving was my ultimate accomplishment, my goal was to simply be. Exist in the moment & try to lift worries from my shoulders as much as possible. I knew I wanted to continue to work hard on myself, my mental health & relationship with those that loved me. Everything else? Well, that was a bonus.

Looking back at those years now, I realised I existed in a world I'd come to appreciated. Those years of just surviving taught me so much & I don't believe I'd be where I am now, had I not been through those moments of just surviving.

If a list of goals isn't what you need to make this year a success, that's okay. If need be, simply just do what you need to do to survive & know that I'll be proud of you know matter what you achieve this year.

B x

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